Coping
We’re all growing up.
It’s inevitable.
Now I understand Peter Pan’s motives for longing for childhood to last forever.
Three of my close friends turned 18 this week. Shit.
It’s just a matter of time before most, if not all of them are “old.”
Dealing with how old we are all getting and adapting to the fact that I have about two and a half months of high school left, is hard. I don’t know why I thought it would be easy, fun, or unemotional.
I look at the relationships I have with everyone. My friendships, my acquantences, my romantic relationship…
and I’m growing up. Everyone has changed so much. I’m now, more than ever beginning to realize that things have changed and are changing forever. I no longer have my age as an excuse to act immature, I no longer can just have fun and meaningless relationships…
and it’s kinda scary.
Oh, if I could just be like Peter Pan… would I choose that road if I had the option?
I don’t know.
What I do know, is that I miss the innocence and lack of responsibility that came with adolescense. I miss being naive and believing in everything. I miss being fresh, new and untainted by the ways of the world.
But with life comes experience, responsibility and change.
I’ve never been good at dealing with change.
Just as I’m started to get confident about the ways things work and understand most things about high school, I’m being tossed out to a dark and unfamiliar ocean. I hear people around me saying, “Seniors!!! YES! Next year is going to be sooo amazing!!”
I wish I shared the same enthusiasm.
I can’t help but to be pessimistic these days. I find myself longing to go to parks and return back to that state of childlike innocence, longing to grasp ahold to anything that makes me feel young again.
Ironically, I’m also developing a strong need for independence, well at least romantically. I’m spending more time with my friends and less time with my boyfriend. It seems like I’ve missed so much from being dependent on him and paying attention to only him. I’m glad that I’m learning balance and independence from him.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing.
I love my friends, and for most part my life.
I don’t want things to change.
I don’t want to be thrown into a completely different world. I guess it’s just how we’re biologically programmed: homeostasis.
But, I wouldn’t want to remain here all my life, so I’m trying to accept and cope.
That’s all I can do, right?
